Random Questions

Random Question #3

Why is that when a girl wears her hair in pigtails, everyone has to say “Heeeey Pippi Longstocking!”
First of all, Pippi’s pigtails curl up like fishhooks, and second of all, she is a Class A ginger; red hair, pale skin and a face plastered with freckles.  It’s pretty depressing to be a twenty-six year old brandishing pigtails but the “unoriginality” of jokes is almost suicidal.  It’s equivalent to “Hey, you missed a spot ah-ho-ho!!” when you’re painting.
Why?  Please, just stop.

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Random Question #2

I just heard a man on the bus the morning complaining that “kids these days, they don’t drink coffee, it’s all about eeeeenergy driiiiinks”.  He said it all sassy as if here were some four year old taunting someone over getting a new biiiiike.  So anyway, he’s going on and on and eventually spits out this bit of knowledge “I just don’t get it, they rot your teeth, that’s all they’re good for.  If I want a bit of caffeine, I just drink a coke, that’s all it takes.”
Can someone please explain to me how sodas are better for your teeth?

RANDOM QUESTION #1

It’s always been a curiosity of mine as to how men are able to distinguish prostitutes from normal, non-prostitutes.  Is there some sort of hand signal like the ones bikers use?  I’m not talking about the ones that hike their legs up, bedazzled in sequins, glitter and dollar store perfume.  I’m talking about the ones you see during the stakeouts on COPS (not the sting operations) that just stand there; nothing inviting or suggesting about their body language, but as soon as the cop is at the window, it’s all about  “No, man, this here is Paul, he’s just my friend, he’s giving me a ride home”.  I feel like I’m missing the best part of some crucial joke.