Okay, so creating a first post is always a bit awkward. I’ve had AT LEAST 15 blogs and that’s no joke. But, I finally feel like I’m ready to settle down and have a blog of my own. One I can stay loyal to and dedicate that necessary TLC. Mind the fact that the design isn’t really one I’d choose if I were given endless options, but it’ll do.
Let me tell you a bit about my life. I’m not happy with it. I find myself dealing with long bouts of depression and my goals are all askew. I am in a relationship that doesn’t make me happy, I’m unhappy with my body and two years ago, I moved 1700 miles away from the only home I’d ever known (Texas) to a place I hate that’s tan and colorless and soulless (Arizona), seriously, people here look, act and are the same.
My life is total chaos, however, I’m extremely positive and strong-willed and I’ve never given up on myself. About two months ago, my car died and I’m now at the mercy of the public transportation system. THAT was a pretty big blow to my ego, but, I started saving money and working on my debt instead of cowering and feeling sorry for myself. I am not trash, I never have been and never will be. I come from a good family with strong morals and incredible ethics and I never once felt unloved. I am filled with undying love, respect and loyalty for those I care about and those who inspire me. I am kind and honest and genuine. I am, though, insecure and constantly question people’s loyalty to me as well as their intentions of friendship/relationships in general. I get very uncomfortable in big crowds and suffer from the most miserable anxiety.
On my darker side, I am non-confrontation but certainly vengeful (to a more innocent extent). I talk shit about everything and people I do not care for. I bitch about “people these days” but contribute to the great rift between socializing and technology. I also bitch about people doing things that I’m most-likely guilty of. I’m a conspiracy theorist and obviously, I pride myself on my opinions because they’re generally from well-thought out (personal) theories and not read somewhere. This makes me, more-or-less, a snob of some sort and I feel mild chit-chat as filler is not worthy of my time. I would never consider myself rude but seemingly cold when I’m uncomfortable around people (which I usually am). This is more a result of being shy but also because my interest are generally not widely accepted by those who socialize. Also, I was raised in a family that rather than hugs (we’re a bit awkward with mushy sentiments) we show our affection with sarcasm and loving-insults. As I’ve gotten older, I realize that most families are not this way and it’s likely that my sarcasm is another reason I find social situations awkward and unpleasant. It takes people a while to get to know me, but once they do, they get the sarcasm and genuinely begin to like me and not consider me a bitch.
While this seems like a long, boring biography, it’s more a less a way to let you in and realize why you will read some of the things you are going to read. If you have a better understanding of me, it should all make more sense.
That being said, my next post will be very much more interesting.